Family Life
Friday, August 06th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

You know, this post is actually a quite difficult post for me to write. Not because the topic is a difficult one or something, but because I always internally debate whether or not to write it. Things happen… This is life. As much as I tend to believe/pretend otherwise, I’m still human too. This is why when sometimes I am in a bad mood in regards to the rest of my family, or because of reminiscing too long on my past in general, I think to myself that “I’m going to post about everything that’s ticking me off!” as a sort of “take that!” to those responsible. Of course as life goes on, I forget about what’s bothering me and the intention to write this post drifts away. We’re all human here– you know how it is.

As of late however, I have not been able to shake the thoughts that have been bothering me. I’m honestly not sure why– perhaps it has to do with me heading back for my second year of college next week combined with actually seeing the outside world for a change. (I was taught a great deal about being independent this summer by my parents). In addition, I feel that I am also starting to gain that adult-to-adult concern that children get when becoming adults themselves– I worry whether everything is ok on my parents’ end. I’m not sure exactly where this post is going yet– I rarely do. I guess I should start with a brief history about myself and my family.

My parents both came from poor backgrounds. I know that at least partially, my parents’ families were uneducated as well. See, I don’t really know my extended family that well– only my nuclear family. My Mother and Father worked very hard to escape their conditions to create an enjoyable life for their children. However, a side effect of this is that I am unable to see the rest of my family since they are on the opposite side of the world. Actually no– I have seen them once before. I was really little then since I was going into my second year of primary school. I recall at the time that I did not enjoy it very much, but now that I look back on it, I can’t fathom what there wasn’t to enjoy. I recall I have a cousin thats a few months younger than me who also has two sisters a few years older than me. Let’s see… when I visited them, they were entering their 7th year of school, meaning that they were five years older than me. I also remember an assortment of other kids… Boys and girls that I would play with. I have no idea who they were, but they must have been some sort of relatives. In short though– it was fun! I remember we used to go to the beach a lot and have picnics~ I think we even went to some parks a few times to play (poorly) cricket.

That’s all the memories I have of them though. My parents keep contact with their siblings from time to time through the phone. I’m usually not included since I was just a little kid back then and no one really knows the type of person I have become. Of course, since they were poor families, we don’t really get any photos or online correspondence. One of them tried to establish contact via email once but it soon became forgotten as their Internet there is a piece of junk and probably metered. There is a little hope though… One of my Mother’s brothers (or does she have only one brother? I honestly don’t know) is trying hard to come to the United States. I really hope he succeeds, because the thought of his grandchildren and my children growing up together makes me really happy.

But yeah, fast-forward to life over here, in the United States. I’m miles away from my homeland and from the culture that my relatives partake in. Believe it or not, America does have it’s own culture, even if it is not obvious because of its huge influence on other countries. You know its pretty hard to grow up in an environment that is the polar opposite of the one the rest of your family is from. Different culture, different traditions– I don’t know such things from my roots because I have not experienced them. I’m not saying I’m unhappy though; I live in an air conditioned house with stable Internet, I study at an academically inclined university, I never have to cook any of my meals… I am saying however, that it is hard being first generation. I can’t compare to the difficulties my parents faced of course, but I do have my own set of challenges. I suppose breaking out of the sub-par lifestyle was phase 1 (done by my parents)– phase 2 is establishing oneself into the new environment (my job).

All of us have suffered difficulties though. I’m hoping my family is not cursed or something, but parts of my childhood were pretty bad. My father used to work for Enron… Well, anyone living in the US probably knows what happened to that company. The higher ups were hoarding the money for themselves and pushing the losses down to the employees. Finally, the whole company collapsed one day and I remember the news showing hundreds of employees coming out of the building with boxes in their arms– the belongings they had when they worked there. All this because of a group of higher ups who decided to get greedy. This event set off a chain of moves by my family. My father was lucky– he was not laid off because of his work, he was transferred to Omaha, Nebraska for Mid-American Natural Gas. We were unhappy living there, but in short, we moved a few more times. Each time, we would build a house, move all our belongings into it, only to move out and sell the house. To this day, my room looks even more barren than a hotel– I don’t put anything on the walls or anything.

Am I bitter? Of course I’m bitter; my life was ruined because a few key people made bad decisions. Moving almost every year may not seem like a big deal, but you also need to take into account everything you leave behind. I started out an extrovert when I was little, but now I’m more of an introvert (though trying to break out of that shell). Why? I theorize that it is because I had to leave my friends behind each time. Back then, little kids didn’t know how to text message or email (instant messaging wasn’t even well established yet) like they do now. What’s worse is that a similar thing happened to my mother, though not as Earth-shattering. She used to work for Washington Mutual. All of a sudden, boom… the bank collapses in one day and gets bought by JP Morgan Chase because the higher ups did a similar thing. This theme has actually been recurring in my life in other ways too which I would rather not post, even on my blog (where I post everything).

But yeah, it’s pretty tough being first generation, especially since we have such rotten luck at such a critical time for our family. I’m often annoyed at how much harder that I have to work for many things. How things such as college work? I have no one to ask. Celebrations? Either with my nuclear family or not at all. Money? I probably get 20$ tops for my birthday. Point is, we don’t have relatives for knowledge, conversation, or financial support. I have to discover/pave all these things myself, and it tees me off that my younger brother will have an easier time than me. I haven’t mentioned him yet? Probably not. As of right now, he lives a pretty different life than me and has a different group of friends. If you were to put him and me side by side, he would probably look a lot more “Americanized” than me. He was too young when we used to move a lot and all the mistakes made in my life have been corrected in his. It’s a little irritating. In fact, I’m even sometimes reluctant to help when my parents ask for my knowledge in order to help him. At the same time though, if I withhold valuable information for him, no matter what my reasons, will I not be fueling a vicious cycle that would spawn a bitter offspring wanting to do the same, year after year?

Oh well, I guess I should just keep my eyes forward, on the future. You just can’t help but think sometimes, you know? I’m really not one to think about the past much. It’s pretty much shredded and fragmented to such an extent that I can barely remember the faces of my old friends and get confused when I think about the layouts of my previous houses. In fact, its a pretty untouchable subject for me since I’ve more or less detached it from my life (to the extent that I refused to add old friends to my Facebook on the grounds that we were no longer the same people that we were seven years ago). What does remind me about my life (in general) from time to time is my parents’ struggles with their health. Not so much my Mom right now, but my Dad concerns me at times. He has always had a Hypothyroid condition and a tendency to get mad at little things with explosive fierceness. I’m not exactly sure if the two are related just yet. Lately, I feel that he is getting more and more harsh when he yells. I’ve accepted the fact that he yells because I know that his intentions are good and that he is trying to tell me a message in a way that he cannot control. Sometimes though, it just feels like too much. You try getting yelled at for a few minutes, being insulted for every detail that comes to mind. No matter what the intentions, the ends just don’t justify the means because of the human quality of emotions.

I do love him though. I already plan that one day, when I have my doctor’s office, I will have a plaque in the front lobby reading along the lines of , “This facility is dedicated to <Father’s name> and <Mother’s name>, who never once hesitated to sacrifice anything for their child.” Of course, when I am in a bad mood in regards to my Dad, I sometimes mentally think that I’ll change the wording to the lines of “This facility is dedicated to <Father’s name> and <Mother’s name>, who, despite being a collective pain, never once hesitated to sacrifice anything for their child.” I mean that in a playful way… Honest! Disaster almost struck though when in my Junior year of high school, my father had a heart attack. After doing heavy yard work, he complained about chest pains. Being a scientifically inclined student from the start, warning bells went off in my head– symptoms of an upcoming heart attack. I warned him to get it checked of course, only to have him show off more symptoms… Denial. Nonetheless, my mother took him to the Cardiologist the next day. I remember clearly– I was working on a physics group project at Panera Bread, researching Black Holes and Quasars. When I got the chance, I called my mother to check up on how everything was going, just to be sure.

Over the phone she seemed relieved, and told me, “Yes… Everything will be fine now,” which bothered me a bit. After getting home… Is a blur. I’m not sure who told me or how I found out. I remember my Mom crying? All I know is this: My father was going to take a nuclear stress test, which is when they inject a chemical into the person and have them run on a treadmill at varying speeds. The doctors would trace the chemical to determine the health of the heart’s vessels. At the beginning of the test, he was clearly told to say “stop” if he has trouble breathing/keeping up. The first few phases were fine. During the middle of the next phase, my dad suddenly yelled “STOP!” with a wheeze of breath and collapsed onto the now shutting off treadmill. He then went into Cardiac Arrest. The nurses/technicians were freaking out since the facility was supposed to be only a lab-work site.

"Yes… Everything will be fine now..."

A few minutes later, my father went unconscious. During that time, someone had grabbed defibrillator and tried to revive him. I believe it was the first two attempts that failed. During the next attempt, his eyes fluttered open, and he was stabilized. It was at that time, my Mom told me, that I called her on her cell phone asking, “Hey Mom, is everything ok?”

It was pretty intense for me to hear that story, but think about my mom who had to watch her husband go through that. I remember thinking it at the time, and I still do, that it sounded like it was from a movie. It was no script though, and I didn’t embellish a single part of that story, even the phone-call part. Of course, my Dad didn’t remember anything either.

You know, as humans we are pretty strange creatures. Dumb too, in a way. Even if one denies that his chest pain is bad enough to signal an upcoming Heart Attack, what’s wrong with making sure? The worst that’ll happen is that you wasted your time getting it checked. Consider the alternative: You actually get a heart attack. No second chances there. To this day, my father prays every day as a thanks that he has this second chance to live. As my Mother said, “it was not his time yet.” No, my parents are too ambitious, and God must have seen that it would have been too cruel to halt all the work they have done in the middle. That’s how humans are– sometimes thinking isn’t enough. Sometimes words aren’t enough. It is action and happenings that finally ring a bell in one’s life to reinforce their dreams. Heck, look at me now. I’ve spent a few hours writing this post and I simply can’t be mad at my Dad for yelling at me this evening anymore. I just had to be shown once again how far we have come as a family. Despite the fact that sometimes I feel like the oddball of the family, despite the fact that my parents rarely take interest in my hobbies because they came from technologically deprived backgrounds, I know that ultimately, we will always move forward with the only family we have– Each other.

Category: Everyday Life  | Tags:  | Leave a Comment
Who Are You?!
Friday, July 16th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

As a gamer, I try to keep knowledgeable about the latest developments in the gaming world. I tend to frequent the Internet quite a bit, so it came as an interesting bit of information that Blizzard, (owner of the massive World of Warcraft and Starcraft franchises) was considering making a mandatory RealID system. This system would do away with the (as of right now) common practice of having one’s online identity masked by a handle or screen-name. Instead, the user’s personal information would be used to identify them– namely, their real names.

The Internet is constantly evolving as more and more people discover what it offers. Some people, such as myself, have long known the ways of the Internet and understand its dangers and virtues. The newer generations are born into an increasingly social Internet, with social-networking platforms such as Facebook and MySpace commonplace. (So common in fact, that many young people are getting “addicted” to being connected all the time via cell phone or otherwise.) As someone who has “been around the block” and been active on the Internet for a while, I disagree with the RealID system. Of course, as you may know by now, I try to keep an open mind– trust me, I would be one of the last people to resist technological progress (as long as it is actual progress.)

There is a certain thrill about being semi-anonymous online. Just as masks transform actors into majestic characters and empower cowards to commit robberies, the online display name system is a powerful asset. In MMOs, the anonymity created through the use of screen names has often times brought about both sexes to pretend to be the opposite sex in order to explore (and sometimes deceive!) the “society” around them. This practice of course can be troublesome if one is seriously looking for a mate online, but it can also be argued that it is difficult to judge the subtle qualities of a person (such as social awkwardness) over the Internet. In a more holistic view, this ability to thoroughly mask one’s identity encourages the exploration of one’s social boundaries in ways that would not be possible in the real world.

Of course, as with most cases where one is given a privilege, someone will come along and abuse their abilities. The main problem that probably inspired the creation of the RealID system was the existence of “trolls.”

Unfortunately, our real selves appearing on the internet is much more probable than our characters appearing in real life.

Indeed, the downside to the Internet’s growth is the ease at which it can be accessed. Because of this, any redneck, lowlife, or individual considered a part of the trash of society can sign in to the same online communities that serious users frequent. In addition, sometimes online clans participate in destructive of criminal activity. In these cases, a RealID-type system would be useful not only to those who such people would be harassing, but also to the authorities who, as of current, are painfully absent online.

Such a system cannot realistically expect to curb aspects of human nature however. While it seems like a useful concept, it simply will not change the ways of the pretentious, the belligerent, and the too-stupid-to-know-they-are-stupid. In this sense, the premise for the RealID system by Blizzard was flawed. (It can be speculated that this realization led to the removal of the “mandatory” requirement for the system.) I agree with this action, as I do not think the Internet is ready for the this system right now. I say “right now,” because I do believe that it will be an inevitable need for the Internet later on. As the Internet becomes increasingly social, people stay connected to each other for longer periods of time. Eventually, our real-life identities will merge with our online-selves, resulting in the extinction of horrible display names such as AZNfiredragon_2000 or kawaiiNeKo-HimE113.

…But maybe they’ll make a come-back when people will get tired of being their “real selves” online. Human nature has an awful tendency to repeat itself in a cyclical fashion.

Category: Gaming  | Tags:  | One Comment
Speciosus Vita
Friday, July 16th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

I don’t tend to blog about anime much, but every once in a while, I come across a series that I find especially enjoyable. Granted I don’t have the time to watch many series, I try to approach each new anime with an open mind ready to be immersed in a new world and new story. Recently with the help of my friends, I found Angel Beats and fell in love with it immediately.

Angel Beats was developed by Studio KEY, the same firm that created the immensely popular Clannad series. Now, I found Clannad an emotional and strangely uplifting series (the first season at least), but I found Angel Beats affecting me even more so as I watched it. You know, I hadn’t noticed until someone pointed it out, but I tend to gravitate to school-life genre series in general. Of course, Angel Beats not only fit the bill, it gave my intellectual side a number of concepts to mull over.

While I would not consider myself a pessimist, I sometimes feel that I am bordering the mindset of one. I’m pretty sure I am an optimist by nature though– I can’t help to think in a positive manner. Unfortunately, too many things have happened in my lifetime that mask my optimistic tendencies. When making a decision, I always approach cautiously, evaluate all possible paths, then choose my mode of operation while still anticipating the worst case scenario. Sometimes however, the magnitude of the worst case scenario clouds my judgment a little, causing me to question myself or act a tad paranoid. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, improbability knows know bounds. In addition to these tendencies, I have something that too proves as a hindrance sometimes: intelligence. I’m sure you must be familiar with the adage, “ignorance is bliss,” a statement that points out that only those who possess a mental capacity and judgment capable of observing the mistakes of others are able to see what others don’t. Such people have the capacity to notice these mistakes and look down on others.

It is a combination of these qualities that really shake my faith in humanity– an ailment I share with a number of friends possessing these same qualities. True, open-mindedness helps a lot, but it has it’s dangers as well. A brilliant quote I once read stated that “the problem with an open mind is of course, the fact that people like to try and put stuff in it.” The key to this caveat of course is to be selectively open-minded, but in a world filled with bad news (just read any recent headlines), it really is tough to be hopeful of a brighter future. In addition, more and more people have been turning towards Atheism, fueled by their uncertainty. But why all this sorrow in a post expression my appreciation for Angel Beats?

Because sometimes one strong message is enough to reinforce one’s certainty in their own path.

I go through life with a certain honor; I don’t cheat in class, I don’t mistreat animals, I don’t try to gain unfair advantages over others… Sometimes I feel that it’s all for naught. Sometimes I wonder if I am the fool who clings to an intangible concept of honor while everyone else lies and cons their way into achieving the same goals I want to. Perhaps being a nice person doesn’t pay off in the end…?

Silliness aside, these people are strong enough to live their lives despite their grim pasts.

As I watched Angel Beats, I found not only an enjoyable storyline with a rich assortment of characters, but also an anime that agreed with all of my core ideals. So much so, that I would take long breaks from episodes pondering over what I had just watched with a mixture of relief and approval. Due to the way the story was told, it was not laid out in the beginning that the characters were in a sort of Purgatory because of the nature of their lives on the mortal Earth. The characters had to struggle together and find their way through the curious after-life they had wandered into in order to discover its secrets. As the ones in the audience, we are filled with the same questions as the characters. “Why is everyone there?” “Why are people disappearing?” “Where do they go when they vanish?”

An emotional anime throughout, we eventually learn that each member of the battle front led an unfulfilling (and in most cases tragic) youth which resulted in their early deaths. The “after-life” they had been sent to was the universe’s way to give the children a second chance– to live an ideal life that they never had. (Wow… as I type, Brave Song, the anime’s ED song just came on. It honestly brought a tear to my eye, thinking about all of this.) The world that they were in was a perfect world for a student or youth to live out their life. Classes were held, after-school clubs met, part-time jobs were available… to the ones who never had any of this, it was a paradise. These children were afraid however, because those who “conformed” to this lifestyle disappeared from the “world.” In order to resist this, the battle front did all they could to not conform to the world’s ways and eventually gained a large following.

All the while, the anime’s protagonist, Otonashi Yuzuru, fought with amnesia and joined the battle-front wondering what type of life he led. After a battle with the battle front’s main enemy, Angel, Otonashi realized what the world around them really was. Angel was a seemingly emotionless entity that would try to make the battle front students conform to the world’s lifestyle, and was incredibly powerful as well. Otonashi eventually discovered that Angel was in fact, human and was trying to get people to conform for a very good reason. When one “disappeared,” it meant that their soul could be laid to rest, having finally fulfilled any regrets they might have had from their previous life. In an emotional scene, Otonashi also regains his memories– that he died trying to save the passengers caught in a train wreck. Moments before he died, he checked the box on his ID card to be an organ donor.

Emotions are what make us human.

With his mind made up, Otonashi goes on a quest to set each of his friends’ souls to rest. It’s really a sad yet uplifting thing to see if you think about it. Eventually, the news is spread to all of the members of the resistance. They are given a choice: Seek to fulfill their life regrets and set their soul to rest (thus leaving the purgatory) or stay and oppose the lifestyle. As the main cast delves deeper into the world’s secrets, investigating the appearance of strange “end-game” monsters intent on capturing them, everyone is left to act on their decisions. At the conclusion of the final battle, everyone else had disappeared, their souls laid to rest.

In a somewhat saddening scene, the main characters held their own “graduation ceremony” from their school life with Otonashi and Angel (whose real name was revealed to be Tachibana) among them. As they disappeared one by one, Otonashi is left alone with Tachibana. With everyone gone, Tachibana reveals the reason she was brought to the purgatory– why her life was unfulfilled.

When Tachibana was in her youth, a heart transplant from a donor saved her life. All her life, she wanted to thank the person who saved her life, but could not… Until now.

With a final “thank you,” Tachibana disappeared.

Probably what got to me the most about this anime, was the message that in the end, everyone gets what they deserve. As I explained earlier, such a thing happens so rarely, that it was so, so, refreshing for me to see. All the characters we had come to love in the anime had a tragic youth, and somehow, the universe made up for it. Everyone was given a chance to live an ideal youth and do everything they missed out on, without fear of dying. My first impulse was to wish that I would be able to go to an after-life such as the one presented in Angel Beats. As a student, it appealed a lot to me and I too feel that I have missed out on many of the joys of youth. Then I realized I was being selfish. The characters in Angel Beats no doubt deserved it.

Just seeing people get what they deserve made me happy. Just being reassured, even if it was in a silly anime world, that the universe has a balance of justice, made me feel at ease. Just watching the strong spirits of the students in the battle front made me want to live more ambitiously than ever. I knew that my ideals, my way of lifestyle, my path was right… and I was going to stick to it. If I had learned one thing from the ending, somehow, somewhere, sometime, everyone will get what they deserve.

I can’t help but wonder what the world was like when Otonashi and Tachibana stood together outside. It must have been awfully quiet. Quiet… But peaceful.

Somehow, Somewhere...

Category: Anime  | Tags: ,  | 2 Comments
Consumer Electronics: Resisting the Urge to Sheeple
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

Hey look, a flip-phone.

You know, I tend to consider myself a logical and level-headed individual. Ok let me rephrase that– that description makes me seem like a boring individual wearing a not-amused expression all the time. Decision making… I’m talking about decision making! It’s a pretty tough thing to get used to, especially for young people such as myself. Now, I haven’t led an ideal life, but it has been a rather unique one. See, simply due to bad luck, I’ve spent my life moving to different residences every few years. Luckily, I get to live in the Information Age where I can still stay in contact with people through the Internet and such. As you can imagine, after each move, I would spend a large amount of time indoors talking with other people. This of course often has a side effect of dulling my awareness about the latest trends and fads in society… As much as this might seem like a bad thing, I believe this actually helps me out in the long-run.

I’m by no means a boring person (at least I think so) but as a result of all this, I don’t tend to get hyped up over a product, I don’t get something because it’s considered “cool,” and I don’t get something because it looks awesome. I’m really glad for this capacity to think things through before making a decision, and it must also be catalyzed by the fact that I don’t really possess money of my own so I constantly spend my parents’ money (within reason, and with their permission of course). But enough about me– let me start with some things that really get to me about the “typical” American consumer.

By far, what I believe to be the biggest culprit that results in idiotic decisions by consumers is what I call the “Apple Marketing Strategy.” By “Apple” in this statement, I am talking about the Apple corporation who until recently was only known for making their Macintosh computers. However, if you would go up to a teenager (or practically anyone these days, for that matter) on the street and mention “Apple” to them, the first thing that would pop in their head would be an iPod (or some other i<InsertDeviceNameHere>) product. I digress however– let me explain the “Apple Marketing Strategy.” See, especially before their BootCamp and Universal Binary systems, Macintosh computers were pretty much left in the dust by the corporate-favored Windows PCs. Despite this, Macintosh computers were pretty, especially the PowerMacs. Slowly throughout the years, Macs have become sleeker, shinier, and more rounded around their corners; this distinction has really contributed in the mindset that “Macs are for artists.” I shall refrain from pointing out that most artists are liberal arts majors that would prefer a simpler operating system. Just kidding =)

Ok I’m deviating a bit from the point again. I have to give credit where it is due though– things really look nicer with rounded corners, shinier finishes, and blue lights rather than orange LEDs. The problem is, many *ahem* less technologically inclined people automatically equate this to “technologically advanced.”

While this is windows Vista, it just looks so old with the windows 98 (classic) interface, doesn't it?

Again, don’t get me wrong– such is the contemporary style of electronics but lets take a personal example. Last Fall, my Ethernet port got fried in an electrical storm so I went out to buy a USB to Ethernet converter. At Staples I found one at last– it was a dinky little dongle, but it would serve my purpose. Price? 30$. Oh but wait! I forgot to mention that it was shiny black and had a large blue blinky light on the front that would blink during network transfer! As you can imagine, I was a little ticked but I needed one quickly.

I went to another tech retailer about a week later and obtained a device that did the same thing. It had an ugly blue box on one end where the Ethernet cable would plug in to and had a USB cable length for at least a foot and a half. It cost 15$.

Well you get my point, and I’m sure you can find other examples of this. Often times though, this effect is combined with something that masquerades as a justification for the price– new features. Of course, I’m not talking about justifiable new features that are actually helpful (such as say, auto red-eye correction on a camera) but those features that are cool but not very helpful. Many times however, these cool features take the spotlight and after seeing it demonstrated, people can’t stop thinking about it! Let’s take for example… Oh let’s see, GPS on your cell phone… yeah that looks like a good place to start. “Man, oh man! I won’t need directions if I am in an unfamiliar area looking for a McDonalds!” Seriously? Humans are creatures of habit and routine– most of our daily life revolves around it. Features such as this, granted they are useful, would not be used enough to justify the costs associated with them. Same could be said for many Data-Package features. Internet on you phone? It depends on one’s environment, but 97% of the time, one can have a laptop or other computer in the same area, without using a tiny screen to navigate the web (personally, I hate browsing the web on tiny screens). “Oooh I get apps!” Yes, some apps can be useful, but 85% of them are just equivalents of web-based Flash games. I mean, look at some of those iPhone “games” sometime– Throwing paper into a waste basket by the flick of your finger? Cool! *Facepalms*

Of course, for things such as the iPhone, the popularity is often a result of aggressive marketing combined with gimmicky features. The iPod got popular because of of all those commercials when it first came out (I still remember being annoyed at how they would say “technologic” in them). Face it, while the iPod brought interesting new features such as the clickwheel, its not that great. Seriously, especially today, an mp3/video player is superior to an iPod because you don’t have to go through the idiotic iTunes software barrier. Of course, many people don’t realize this because iTunes makes it all nice and user-friendly; though if people took a few minutes to Google, they would realize that normal mp3 players are just as easy to sync or manage with a media player or simply a file manager. But of course, people see that their friends have an iPod and that their friends’ friends have an iPod and buy an iPod without a moment’s thought. Now, seeing “i” in front of an item often equates to people as being “hip” or “trendy” thus often giving the product instant popularity.

I’m sure now you are seeing the problem: When people jump to conclusions about something that is either “trendy” or “technologically superior.”

Next, products such as these will become widespread to protect our unintelligently designed "smart" phones! Don't forget that it works on any touch screen enabled device.

Companies of course are smart. They are always looking for ways for these kinds of people so that they can trick them, and of course some people don’t even care and just throw their money like confetti. Sometimes, companies radically redesign a product and hope that sales will spike up. A good example is the advent of slide-phones. Of course, the slide feature was automatically  equated as “more technologically advanced” than flip phones because they were different. My mother wanted to get one after her contract with a flip phone expired for the very reason. I’ll bring up the same point I told her– Slide phones are not innovative… Seriously. Yes, it enables more stuff to be condensed into the phone (like a keyboard) but it leaves the screen exposed. With flip phones, not only is the screen protected in one’s pants pocket, the phone, when open, molds to the speaker’s face (somewhat). I for one thought this is why flip phones emerged superior over old single-unit phones. To protect the screen effectively, one needs a screen protector or a case– more money to shell out just due to poor design. It’s… It’s just not logical. Now of course, the new “smart” phones take this idiocy a step forward and logically regress further. Phones such as the iPhone and Android are basically bricks that don’t fold or slide that use touch-input. So now you have a rectangular brick that you put to your head to (heaven forbid) make a phone call and now you need screen protectors/cases to not only protect the display, but also the input. Cool, huh?

You know, there used to be a time when technology was built to last. Companies found out that by adding a few flashy things to the same product and designing them unintelligently so that they are prone to malfunction/damage, consumers will (what do you know?) still buy them. Now I by no means would judge anyone based on these decisions, but the choice is yours. Will you be a smart consumer who shops with their eyes open, or an uneducated consumer who sheeples to the newest trend?

Category: Everyday Life  | Tags: , ,  | 2 Comments
Ragnarok Online 2 Mk. II
Friday, July 02nd, 2010 | Author: Chii

The designs for the beginner classes in Ragnarok Online 2. The costumes are reminiscent of the job attires in the original Ragnarok Online 2.

Wow– It sure has been a while, hasn’t it? Yes, I have been busy with my own stuff in a brand new school. I must say that my reclusive behavior has been for the better though! I just finished my first year and I must say I did quite well. It pains me to not be as involved online as I once was, but it really is a critical time in my education… Sacrifices must be made unfortunately.

In my free time however, I still track the progress of Ragnarok Online 2. It’s not so much that I refuse to let go of the beta-staged game I became familiar with than the fact that the Ragnarok Online franchise holds a special place in my heart. It was my first MMO, you see? I had such a blast the first time around that I was eager to jump into Ragnarok Online 2 when I first heard of it, and eventually became very involved.

Well, as you know, the community and developers that I used to assit have long dispersed, even though there are a few promising projects (such as Ragnarok Online 1.5 at DiviniaRO) hanging around. There had been rumors for a while that Ragnarok Online 2 was being either canned or reworked; the game was even labelled as vaporware by some since so much money had been invested into it and nothing came to see the light of day. A few days ago, the Ragnarok Online 2 site relaunched with a completely new layout. Now there had been rumors earlier about Ragnarok Online 2 being redone, as well as a press release stating that the game engine had been switched from Unreal to Gamebryo. This new site confirms these hints– Ragnarok Online 2 has been redone to give gamers what they wanted (Official Website).

This image is among the many found on a developer's blog who designed a number of levels in the "Unreal" Ragnarok Online 2. It was originally thought to be a first look at the game with the Gamebryo engine, but it turned out to be a render in the developer's own sandbox.

The new Ragnarok Online 2 has been dubbed “Legend of Second,” hinting a true sequel to the events took take place in the original Ragnarok Online. Accordingly, a number of familiar monsters have been shown (thus far) rendered in full 3D, creating a more familiar environment worthy of the Ragnarok Online title. I recall a number of people calling the “old” Ragnarok Online 2 a mediocre MMO with the “Ragnarok Online” name slapped onto it for popularity. The art style has also been changed from the Unreal incarnation of the game. The characters look more sleek, older, and detailed than the previous models. I always considered Ragnarok Online a sort of “cute” anime-styled game– while the official artwork of the Kafra and Porings still retain this factor, the images of the character classes seem a little more “mature” to me. I’m sure we’ll be able to evaluate the overall artistic feel as more images (and videos!) roll out with time.

In short, I feel that Ragnarok Online 2 is finally taking off… This time as a game that fans expect. (I can’t tell you how many confused newbies there were in channel chat when the old Ragnarok Online 2 debuted since much of the “Ragnarok Online” system had vanished!) I am glad for this, but I probably will not play it for a very long time. I’m sure that many of the developers that invested lots of time into the first game would be in the same boat as me in that the “scene” is feels a little tired. I have lots of work at school and overall, I am pretty busy.

…And yet I am here posting this. Strange isn’t it? For me at least, it’s the allure of adventure again.

A screencap from the updated website, showcasing the 3d version of the monster "seal."

There was a certain magic feel when I used to GM for RO2. There was a certain anticipation for what Gravity had in store and the tiny hints in the programming that would lead to speculation. No doubt that this incarnation of Ragnarok Online 2 will follow the same trend as the other two and become widely emulated with private servers. While I can’t imagine being on a flagship team again (such as Saga), I will hang around the emerging communities and admire their progress. If its not demanding, hey I might even apply for a Forum Moderator position somewhere and hope for the best ^.~

PS: Too bad, I just checked (and even went through the ridiculous process of installing the AhnLabs Web Security plugin) and my KR beta account no longer works! Oh well. This time I’ll rely on you guys… keep me posted ^^ Good thing I archived a bunch of images from the old game huh?

Category: Gaming  | Tags: ,  | 7 Comments
It All Comes Down To Expression
Sunday, June 20th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

Something that constantly piques my interest is the variety of art styles that emerge in anime and how crucial the way the characters are drawn is to portraying their personalities. As technology enables producers to develop more and more realistic media to express their creations, I sometimes find myself feeling that  I am looking at a different character, instead of the one I know.

Live action adaptations for anime are known to be… Pretty bad. Don’t get me wrong, some live action shows do a great job– but then you also have adaptations such as Negima! Live-Action which leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. Whenever I see such things, I always am slightly surprised when I see the Asian actors dressed as the characters. Yes, it is only natural given that the show would be produced in its home country, but lots of times this surprises me because I do not tend to imagine many anime characters as “Asian.”

Now, I’m going to try my best not to start some sort of Asian vs. Westerner war here, since Google showed me that things can get pretty hectic. In fact, I saw videos from both sides trying to convince the viewer that anime characters were of their body structure by juxtaposing drawn characters onto real people. See a problem with this? I would also like to note that such videos only really used examples that best proved their respective points, leaving out any exceptions. As for my thoughts? Well, I try to be a little bit more open minded.

Based on official art, I can't help but feel that Tifa was to be portrayed in a "Western" sense.

See, I grew up in Western territories yet surrounded mostly by Asian friends due to my field of study.  I don’t tend to that be much of a Japanophile or an Otaku, but I certainly am not afraid to express my love for the art style of anime (and resulting products). In fact, I even tend to prefer English dubs as long as I know they have been translated by a reputable company over subtitled episodes (*gasp* heaven forbid!) but wont have a second thought if I do have to watch subtitled anime. In this sense, I feel that I am fairly objective, content-wise for such things though I am by no means an expert. Bottom line is, I try my best to judge things by content rather than surface image, sound, or figure which sometimes means I can’t do the best job if I cannot fully understand what I am seeing!

These are all personal choices of course, and I’m not really interested in hearing reasons as to which method would be “better” or “more correct.” But back to the subject at hand. When I perceive anime characters, I tend to perceive the majority as Westerners, but also some as Asian (again, not necessarily due to appearance). Some characters, it is obvious that they were intended to be “Western” such as Lelouch vi Britannia or Aerith Gainsborough (even though in Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, the characters’ physiques were all rendered closer to Asian body structures). When characters have more traditional Japanese names, it becomes a little more difficult to anticipate whether they were intended to be Asian since the names could either be set in place to emphasize the nationality of the character or to make the character more accessible to the society in which the character was developed (Japan).

I’m not implying that there should be a set protocol to portray such characters though. I’m merely stating that sometimes it is a little difficult to tell character nationalities apart, since it is heavily dependent on art style. For example, Suzaku Kururugi and say, Schneizel el Britannia in Code Geass were not drawn in vastly different manners. However, Rakshata Chawla and Kaname Ohgi seem to be drawn in a manner which emphasizes their nationalities, perhaps to portray a wide gap between Britannians and other races. So the verdict? I believe that anime characters are not “inherently” any race and that it all comes down to how the artist wants to portray them. When drawn, it is up to the artist whether or not they want to “assign” regions to them either through mannerisms or appearance. This is admittedly easier in anime than in live action portrayals since appropriate actors would be needed (and such productions tend to be low-budget).

Let me shift gears a little bit and cover cosplays as well. This is a slight tangent from a post about perceptions but I was compelled to do so due to the rage I came across when browsing cosplays online. There was such rage especially from the Asian cosplay community about Western cosplays and how “their body types are wrong” for character portrayal. Now, I’m not one who would take personal offense from such things and I didn’t, but I couldn’t help but investigate the other side of the coin. Sure enough, Westerners tended to assert (for certain characters) that Asian individuals did not possess the correct structure for the cosplay.

As with the anime situation, I beg to differ on the grounds that body structure is irrelevant. Yes, it is very important (it would be difficult for an African American to cosplay Chii from Chobits or a Russian to cosplay Brock from Pokemon), but not to the point that the cosplay communities were asserting. Asians would often assert that Westerners were either too tall, or too “bony” in terms of facial structure (as opposed to being round as many anime faces are drawn). Now I’m pretty sure the roundness is a stylistic choice, but I could be mistaken. As for the Asians, one could argue that some aspects of their physiques might be inappropriate for portraying characters as well (such as their nose/mouth area). I theorize that there simply isn’t enough exposure for both parties to the opposite region and this is understandable since the countries are so far apart. After all, it is human nature to go with what is more “familiar.”

I argue that physique does not matter that much. I believe, as with art style, it is the expression that counts and ultimately decides which type of cosplay would be “good” or which type would be “bad.” Here are examples of what I would say are good cosplays.

Medusa from Soul Eater, cosplayed by an American. Note the more shapely face.

Maka from Soul Eater, cosplayed by an Asian. Note the more rounded face.

Yui from K-on, cosplayed by an Eastern European.


For the sake of not wounding my readers’ eyes or my blog layout, I’ll leave out the bad cosplays where the participants are clearly failing at portraying the character. Besides, I’m sure you can all imagine or have seen such cosplayers at conventions.

Bottom line though, our “expectations” about how characters should look are largely determined by the society we grow up in or the people we surround ourselves (virtually, or otherwise) with. That being said, there is no proper race or ethnicity expected of characters in either cosplay or anime. Both are art forms after all, and as all art forms, both depend on expression for effect.

Category: Anime  | Tags: ,  | 3 Comments
An Unknown Variable
Saturday, June 19th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

Now here is a subject that you would not really expect to see on this site… I admit it may seem a little out of the blue too. Don’t get me wrong though– This post has nothing to do with real life events. Well… Maybe a little, but probably not in the way you might think!

See, I am a science student who just finished freshman year of college. I am definitely passionate about what I do, and I also tend to have a large amount of confidence in my ambitions. In fact, my brain tends to work in such unorthodox ways that it keeps me coming up with ideas to better do things, without regard about how things have always been done. I digress, but in short, I am confident I have a bright future in my field of study and I am bubbling with ideas to play with when I finally get the chance.

So once again this summer, I am doing volunteer work/interning  at facilities which will further enable me to better perform in and understand my field. Since I have, after all, only the amount of knowledge that is accumulated by the end of freshman year, I did not expect any profoundly important summer tasks. But truth be told, as I walk through the hallways of my hospital, dressed in my student’s uniform performing lowly work, I reflect almost on a daily basis that this job is only a stepping stone for me to get to the top. As I work, I think to myself that one day, I will be calling the shots and doing things my way in the medical field.

Then a new thought enters my head– A startling one.

After my first year of college an seeing other people, the fact remains that I will get married one day. I’m sure a number of readers could relate, but let me tell you that this thought scares me a lot. Some of my friends know that I am a rather paranoid person by nature, most likely due to my childhood (which was far more difficult than it should have been). Indeed, it takes ages for people to earn my trust and I am constantly worried that I will be betrayed somehow.

I know that I have a bright, or at the very least, promising future. In my head I frequently dream up fantasies about how my doctor’s office would be when I finally get to build one. I keep a mental list about features I would want to implement after wishing they were present at my local clinic. I even sometimes think about design elements and how I would dedicate my facility to my Mom and Dad, since they have never once put anything before my education.

Then I think about the inevitable event of me getting married.

In none of my ambitions and goals do I include a life partner. I know that I will obtain one, certainly. But when I think about building my office, and donning my blue (yes) doctor’s coat in the morning, I feel that if someone would have the potential to hinder me, I would rather wait then get married to them.

That’s not my main fear or anything though. I’m sure that if someone had that potential, they would be wrong for me anyways, right? It’s this intangibility that scares me or perhaps it frustrates me. I’m the type of person (I’m sure you have noticed) who makes detailed, long-term plans to anticipate anything that might threaten the possibility of me accomplishing what I want to do. When I have an algebraic variable such as this topic, (oh how I wish it truly were algebraic) it bothers me to no end. Normally, I would research any unknowns in order to gather enough knowledge to understand how they may impact my “equations.” Obviously, this is not possible here.

It is actually even more difficult in my case, since I come from a background and culture different from the one at my current location. To leave this country is not an option however, since I have made a commitment to carry out my studies in the United States. Thus, I am an outsider from a family who does not partake in many of the traditions here. I’m sure that my parents would want me marrying someone closer to my roots and I would like that too, since it often makes the most sense in terms of lifestyle and such. However, I have no idea as to what the process will be for me finding someone here. In fact, even writing about this topic makes me a little squeamish in my belly. I guess in the end, it cannot be helped. There are just so many unknowns, and those are which scare me.

Heh, worst math equation of my life. I wonder if my spouse will one day read this post? If that’s the case, I mean no insult or anything! Though of course, if you are my spouse, you would probably know this already~!

Category: Reflection  | Tags: ,  | 4 Comments
…And Suddenly, It’s Over
Sunday, May 09th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

It is the end of the beginning, until next time that is. Since last Fall, many of you guys have been following my adventures (or perhaps lack of) during my first year of college. Based by seeing the titles of a few of my posts alone, one could easily see that this school year has been a real eye-opener for me– A brand new experience.

I’ll refrain from rambling about the things I normally do when discussing my new school life. Indeed I feel more grown up than ever and I had a lot of “firsts” this year, but in this post I will be focusing on my residence during all of this. See, my university provides on-campus apartments, which is pretty nice as far as university housing goes. I mean, each apartment has a four lockable bedrooms, a washer/dryer set, a kitchen, and two bathrooms. Even though they built a new residence hall this year which the university has been boasting about, compared to the oddly sterile feel of the dorms, the apartments have a much more… Homely feel to them. (Geesh, Not only are the dorms cramped with paper thin walls, they also have a tiled floor instead of carpet!)

At any rate, as I walk through our humble apartment, it feels as if it were only yesterday when I knocked at the door, eager to meet my room mates in person. If I take a moment to actually reflect at all the things that have went on in the apartment however, I am able to look back at the experience as one that I will cherish (even though I did not feel like that at times). In fact, it is a little sad to see the apartment bare like this. Though the cycle continues I suppose; We started with an empty apartment, we end with an empty apartment… It is merely a vessel that watches us struggle through and overcome the first year of college.

Admittedly however, as romantically I depict our apartment in the above paragraph, you would hardly think so if you looked at it. See, our apartment had the distinction of being the most filthy habitation out of my friends. (With my room an exception of course!) In fact, as I borrowed my friend’s camera to preserve it’s appearance in it’s natural state, I told her that our apartment “is like a work of art… One of those which are so shocking/ugly that it passes as artwork.” The mess is not so much a result of my room mates being slobs than the fact that everyone in the apartment is apathetic. I mean, for the longest time, we had a bunch of random boxes littering the living room (from when we were trying to build a couch out of boxes since we had no furniture)… We ultimately cleaned it when the Peer Advisor had to come to our apartment to write up our RoomMate Agreement.

Accordingly, you can apply the same tendencies to the rest of out apartment. Most of the “afflictions” of our apartment did not apply to me luckily– My parents bought me an unlimited pass at our dining hall so I never used the kitchen and I would hardly spend time in the common areas due to my reclusive nature. My room would stay clean though… I am basically a workaholic and I just cannot work in a messy environment. If I try, I feel like I am in a junk yard and fall asleep. (Weird I know! But I know my body!) Thus, my room gets cleaned every weekend unless there are exams looming on the horizon. In this case, Le Chatelier‘s principle takes over and papers steadily accumulate in my room until I clean it all at once.

Don’t get me wrong though! My room mates were pretty great and I could have gotten much worse (like pot-smokers or something). They aren’t perfect of course, but in general they were the types that don’t let their problems affect the people around them. I mean, one of my room mates has a room that is the messiest sector of the apartment and the other one arrives home drunk at night. Neither (for the most part) spread their fail-ness to others in the apartment (namely me) or affect them much. I am grateful for this.

In fact, I have many fond memories of the three of us (the fourth room mate is hardly home) and a couple of our friends/neighbors just lounging in the living room and conversing for hours. These sessions would always be spontaneous and almost always late at night (sometimes going to around 2AM). We never talked about anything special (just generic school stuff and plans) but just sitting and enjoying the presence of each other really gave a sense of closeness. Sometimes my parents have difficulty understanding attachments to classmates outside of the classroom, but spending time with each other like that just goes to show how close one can grow to someone in college. At the very least, I will be keeping touch with one of my room mates, my neighbor, and my friend from the building over for a very long time.

Oh well, it was bound to come to an end sooner or later. Two more exams, a day to place my stuff in a storage, a super clean-up day for our apartment, and my first year in college will be over. After Summer, the cycle will start again. I will be living with my [current] neighbor in a two bedroom apartment with my friend from the building over still a few buildings over. Things will change, but I am confident that some things will comfortably stay the same.


Category: Everyday Life, Reflection  | Tags: ,  | 4 Comments
Survey Outcome– Thank You!
Sunday, May 02nd, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

First of all, I would like to take a moment and thank each an every reader, visitor, and classmate who took the time to participate in our class project. We ended up having a total of 73 participants in the short duration the survey was administered and accumulated valuable input during the process.

For our project, we originally got the idea from a LiveScience article talking about how male birds who sing sexy songs to their female partners cause the females to lay larger eggs. Since the class project’s premise was to go out an collect data on a subject loosely tied to evolution (it was for my Basis of Evolution class), we figured a survey on this matter would both be interesting and less mundane than a typical paper/pencil survey. In the survey given, there were eight unlabeled songs that had to be listened to. In actuality, we had a “key” as to which song corresponded to which genre and conducted data trending accordingly. Of our participants, our oldest survey taker was 55 years old and our youngest was 13 years old. Since the survey was mostly conducted on the University of Texas: Dallas campus, the average age of our participants was 22 years of age plus/minus a few years.

During the course of the survey, my team would monitor data progression using a specially designed page which would dynamically compile the stats data. This page would provide us with valuable information such as the average ratings for each song, the most commonly used words to describe music sensuality, and more. I must ask you to excuse me if the page looks messy– again, it was an internally used tool which was not exactly meant to be displayed, but now that the survey is over, you can see for yourself!

Now this stats page actually has an interesting story behind it. See, it worked great and all and showed how the data changed throughout the course of the survey, but it almost proved disastrous for my presentation. The night before the presentation, I replaced the submit button on the survey with a thank you message so that no more data could be collected. In addition, I also commented out the appropriate sections of the form’s PHP file so that no data would be added to the responses file. Well, I am happy to state that my presentation went very well, and I came home with full intention to post this article except– my stats file was blanked! Now of course, one always thinks about backing up after one has already lost data, and this was no difference. I had no way to recover it, and Google had not cached my page yet. This post was originally titled “A Special Thank You, and An Apology” because I could not ask 73 people to retake my survey. Upon investigation, I found that I did not comment all the file handling portions out of the survey’s PHP file, and someone had pressed the submit button, blanking the file. Thank goodness this did not happen during or right before my presentation! At any rate, I did some quick thinking and went a computer lab and exact computer where I had accessed the site previously. I set the browser to offline mode, crossed my fingers, and navigated to the page… and found all the stats intact! I quickly saved the html file which thankfully contained all the accumulated data. Of course, this was not a static page instead of a dynamic page so I set out to fix that. (Yeah, yeah, beggars can’t be choosers, but I wasn’t going to settle for a less than impressive page!) In short, I had to write a C# program to parse the static page back into a response data file for use in the stats page. Good as new!

But anyways, as you can see, the Pop song (song number 1) was rated as the most sensual, closely followed by our Techno song (number 8). Interestingly enough, males and females did not solidly agree on what they perceived as “sensual” but the deviations are fairly small too. Overall however, the opinions regarding the most and least sensual genres matched the female preferences even though more males were surveyed. This implies that the genre preferences were fairly similar between the two sexes and the slight differences for the two could be attributed to cultural memes. (For example, some males thing that Rap is “all that.”)

See, one of the problems we ran into was the definition of “sensuality” or “sexiness.” There are two very different kinds of sensuality that can be expressed. One is the “I love you and want to spend my life with you” kind of sensuality, while the other is more of a “one night stand” kind of sensuality. This intangible definition lowered our average ratings, causing none of them to go over 6. However, if one looks at the mode or medians, there are higher numbers given for the ratings, but the averages were brought down due to the fact that some people interpreted the song with a type of sensuality they liked (causing them to rate it high) or with a type they disliked (causing them to rate it low). To better illustrate my point, why not hear for yourself in the following clips?

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Of course, there are also other factors that could have come into play and we would obtain much more accurate data if we surveyed a remote village on an uncharted island. See, animals rely on instinct. Humans… Well they are a little more complicated than that. We have society, memes, and a wide range of emotions to make our decisions a lot less logical. Reading such things in a text book is one thing, but once one has an opportunity to actually collect data in the real world, one realizes things (and flaws!) about their research topic that they had not considered before. In short, it was a great experience which could not be possible without your help.

Once again, thank you all for your time and participation! You have been great contributors to science~

Category: Projects  | Tags: , ,  | 3 Comments
Do You Find This Song… Alluring?
Thursday, April 15th, 2010 | Author: Nightmaren

Hello everyone! I regret to inform you that this is not a standard post on our blog, but rather a request for our readers. On average, this site gets around 30+ visitors a day. Out of that number, I know that there are quite a bit loyal readers (and lurkers!) who frequent Kept After Class.

What I ask is simple really… To help me with my school work. Eh?!- Wait! Please don’t walk away! Well it’s not my homework or anything like that– See, we need to conduct a survey for one of my college Natural Sciences classes. Basically, we need you to listen to some songs and rate how sensual/alluring they are. Intrigued yet? Please check it out on this page!

Note: I have currently disable comments on both this post and on the survey. This is to protect the integrity of the data we collect! I appreciate you taking the time to do it though. Once our research will be completed, I will be sure to post our results/conclusion here for all to see.

Thanks for your input!

Category: Projects  | Tags: ,  | Leave a Comment
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